It's my party ... err life

I've been told on more than one occasion that my life is boring. That it's my own fault for not having a life. That if I want something I just have to go and get it.

Well, funny thing is - I know all of this. I know my life is boring, from the outside. I know I don't have a social calendar that is full up from here to christmas 2010. I know that if I want something I just need to stand up and grab it - in fact I've even done this.

The funny thing is - at times, I like having a quiet life. I like not having anything to do. I like getting to the weekend and thinking "So, now what shall I do?"

Cathy has mentioned these things many times over the course of our friendship and then relationship. But she wasn't the first and I doubt she'll be the last.

Funny thing with me, that I don't know if other people do, but I can see both sides of the equation. I can see the positive effects on one's life to having a busy schedule, having lots of things to do and lots of friends. But I can also see the negatives to it. On the flip side I can see the positives to leading a nice quiet life. But again, there are negatives.

I will always be the first person to stand up and say "I know my life isn't perfect". Yes, also the person who will stand up and say "Yup, I can be lazy". Hell, even at times I'll just sit there and say "Fuck it all, I'm not even standing up".

I look at my parents at the moment. They both work crazy hours during the week and then get home to 2 pre-teens (and a teenager, but we won't go there) who have a social and school life the envy of any teenie booper. I'm serious - these kids go out more than anyone else I know.

I just feel there needs to be some sort of middle ground. Some time where it's said "Stop, just give me time to catch up and smell the roses". There has to be a time where everything is rushing ahead at full steam - but then also a time when you sit down and think "Fuck, I'm actually bored ... and that's ok".

Or is that just me? ... Am I the only one who can see a period of doing nothing a good thing?

Previous posts I've written recently have lead to comments from a few people in my real life - the scheduling, the extra study, etc - that have made me think "Am I the strange one?", "Am I the one doing the wrong things?".

Problem is, I know I can push myself to the nth degree. When I do though, the universe decides to push back harder than that and I end up on my backside (well usually in bed wanting the hell that my head has become to go away). For me, that balance is more important than trying to do everything now - or to put it off until tomorrow - or even to "plan for the long term".


I have seriously made no sense in this post (as if I've made any in recent posts) but there is one thing I know - there will be comments. Probably not here, but there will be questions and comments and jabs.

Perhaps this is all about other things, but this is the stuff that's at the top of the heap right now. Give me some more time and I'll be able to dig through some more crap and find something golden. Who knows, I might even get something good to put in my blog. Failing that, naughty.

The future has been on my mind a fair amount recently. More so than usual. And really it usually is a whole lot.

In that frame of mind, I've been taking a serious look at my current career and what I'd like to be doing.

Currently I'm in a job I can easily do, but one that has no chance of progression and I know one that will bore me to tears in a matter of months. Especially once everything is up and running to order.

I may have mentioned, I'm in IT. With all the bells and whistles that come with that. But I have a girlfriend, so don't go all out on the horrible comments. There ain't no propellers on my head!

Anyway, on to my thoughts (cos this is my blog and where I dump some ... thoughts). I have dabbled with engineering in the past, figuring that I'd be able to use my awesome IT skills to do that - suffice it to say, engineers are conservative bastards who don't like young whipper snappers making them look less intelligent. Worse is when I, I mean a young whipper snapper proves they don't know squat about IT stuff. So, after I dabbled with engineers, I've got myself involved with artists. It's a horrible, horrible mess. Scary only begins to describe it.

Here I am, basically as high as the ladder at this company will take me. With the Big Boss saying "I want someone who will be here for a number of years to learn all of our processes, software, blah, blah, blah" ... There hasn't been a software package yet I haven't mastered in 6 months. These are no different.

Right, so I have no career progression, minimal hope for training (in anything decent) and a job that will bore me to tears before the Big Boss will even consider reshuffling. Oh the joy!

The only option left (right now). Training. On my own time. Off my own bat. Infringing on the little time I get to spend with my girlfriend. When she's in the country.

When she's not busy.
When her schedule allows it.

Ok, perhaps me studying might not infring on that. Don't think it will even get the chance to think about infringing.

Anyway ... study. University type study. The thing I missed out on when I thought "screw this education system, I got to get me some of that money!" ... and I did. Until I turn around and think "Mmm, I want some more money". And here I am.

The training thoughts:
Project Management - add this to my IT experience and I have a winner
MBA (of sorts) - again add to my IT experience and "common" knowledge, I have a winner.
"Real" IT degree - excluding the whole "Industry Cert's" that are floating around, this is programming. I don't programme. I can't. It hurts. Not a winner.

Ok, so we have the option to add to my small amount of managerial experience (ok, 5 or so years isn't small, but it's not exactly enough either) or the option to jump back into the pool of idiots, I mean people in IT.

I think I'll go the management route. I remember putting my hand up in a course in answer to the question "Who wants to manage people?" ... the next question was "Who wants to earn lots of money?" ... shame that the IT bubble burst and the 90% of people in that course aren't working in IT anymore (the same 90% who wanted to "earn money").

So, plan is - find a good managerial course. At the same time, find some technical courses to get out of the way. Do courses and exceed expectations.

Get a job paying shit loads of money, yelling and screaming at IT idiots, I mean people. While playing nice with the people paying the money.

Ie. the jobs I've been doing the past 5 years. Only this time with pieces of paper on my wall.

Fun.

I'd better get a corner office with a fucked up good view ... purely so I can take advantage of the windows/desk and my girlfriend. ;)

Oh and the salary won't go astray either.

The future - it awaits

I've been considering many things recently. One major one has been my career. For the past 8 years I've been in the fascinating world of IT. Generally supporting the idiots, I mean people who fool themselves into thinking they actually work for a living.

Problem is, I don't love it.

Don't get me wrong, I can enjoy what I do. But the enthusiasm I see in others and perhaps even had myself at one stage, I just don't have it any more. Perhaps it's the "grass is always greener" syndrome (I have bounced around a few jobs so far) or is it something more serious?

Is it, that I really have no idea what I enjoy doing so I really have no idea what I want to do to earn a crust? I remember the career advisors and teachers saying "Find something you enjoy, then do it to the best of your ability!" - but what if I just don't know? What if I end up slogging away at a job I'm reasonably good at, just because I'm reasonably good at it?

I guess my biggest worry right now is if I do change course, aside from choosing whatever it is, really is how much it's going to pay. I don't think I like the idea of starting off at the bottom rung again (financially speaking). As for going back to full time study - even the thought of that bores me to tears.

So, what shall I do? Find something I enjoy and do it no matter the repercussions, continue with something that really doesn't fulfil me, or attempt to work out what the hell I am good at and what I would enjoy?

Does anyone have that long to live? I may be planning to see Halley's Comet again (and the end of this century) but really, is that long enough?

Perhaps there is a job out there that will pay me 6 figures, let me surf the web, chat to my friends, eat when I want, come and go whenever I please - and really don't do much "work" at all.

Is that what I'd enjoy though? Really - I doubt it. Although damn, the 6 figures would be nice. Very nice in fact.

What to do ... what to do.

Things that make you go mmm...

(I must admit I do enjoy that song - little guilty pleasure).

As many new readers will know (and the handful of other readers) I have been dating My Classy Lady for a while now (the exact number is still up for discussion - but I think I'll err on the side where I don't get in trouble). Now this is all well and good (in fact fantastic) but I digress - there is something coming up that I must say "makes me go mmm".

At the end of this week, she goes away for 2 months. 8 weeks. Pretty much 56 days. (Ok, to go into hours would just be over the top ... 1320).

Now, I must say this will be a first for me. I've had one partner go away in the past - I think it was 10 days for a work "thing". I say "thing" because I can't remember what term she used. In any case - I'll be in a relationship with someone on the other side of the planet for almost 8 weeks.

There's the whole "she'll have a wonderful time", "it's good to spend time apart", "distance makes the heart grow fonder", etc, etc, etc - when really, it sucks to be the person staying behind.

I know, I know - "don't feel like that", "the time will go slower", blah, blah, blah. I have yet to meet someone who actually can give me "advice" in this sort of situation after being in this situation.

"Oh, but when we were first married, blah went away for work so we could ..." - NO! Not the same. We're not married and this is a holiday (which she has been planning for months).

All in all, I am really looking forward to hearing all about her trip, seeing the emails come through that she's having a ball and all the other positive things that people who don't go on holidays say when they are trying to cover the truth that they hate having to stay here and keep the world turning.

Yes, I'm a little jealous and in desperate need for a holiday. Bite me.

Or send me on a holiday ... either way.

I watched a snippet of "How I Meet Your Mother" the other day - Barney (NPH) was saying that one of the rules of a relationship is that you can't plan for this longer in the future than you have been dating.

Longer than you have been dating ... does it count if we've known each other longer? But didn't start dating until recently? Or should I just not "plan" anything and just rock up at the airport in ripped jeans and jandals? That would go down like a ton of bricks.

Right, so to get off these negative thoughts - I have 8 weeks to get myself in better shape (apparently round isn't the fashionable shape anymore) and test my email writing ability. Thank goodness I can type better than I can scribble. She'd never be able to read my "letters".

What I found out

There's never enough alcohol in red wine to drown an answer to a question.
Ice cream will fix almost anything - as long as there is plenty of red wine beforehand.

I can hold more red wine that I thought I could. Perhaps the alcohol content has dropped?

Sculling 2 glasses of red (in succession) is NEVER a good plan. But it helps.

I had a few comments about yesterday's blog (again, nothing on here but I digress). So I read it again. Damn I can dribble crap. Might even be something I'm good at! Lol.

Anyway, this is just a quick post to say things are changing - less dribble, more structure and perhaps even something more detailed about my recent journey into relationship-land. Who knows, maybe it will all be flowery and rainbowy ... yeah, ok who am I kidding. It'll be a rush though.

I think I'll need a scotch tonight. Something nice and relaxing anyway.

The future ... could be scarier than we can even imagine

I have been contemplating my future recently. Not in overly specific terms, not even with "goals", but in general shades of grey. The odd "What if ... " and the even "I wonder when ... ".

For a single, white male in the western world - the future is bleak. We are the hidden "majority", we are the least influential, we are the most taxed, we are the most looked over ... and then we die young (it's getting better, but we still die younger).

There are no "family" options for a single white male (or any single male for that matter). There is nothing in the way of support. Every government system looks down on us. Yet we are still expected to work our guts out and pay our taxes like good little boys.

Now don't you dare go thinking this is a sob story, or a "woe is me". Nothing of the sort. Nor is this a "I'm so hard done by, everyone else has it easier". Not at all. Each person has their own battles to fight, their own experience with discrimination and the system working against them. All I'm saying is that the single (white) male, really has a long-term rough deal of it all.

And then we die.

At least everyone shares that little nugget.

As I have spent most of my life single (let's say 15% of my life I've not been single), many thoughts about my "future" have rolled through my head. As I'm currently not single, these thoughts and more have been rattling around. The expectations, the responsibilities, the requirements, the needs and wants of others.

There's supposed to be "rights" in there also ... isn't there? ... Yes, I know I'm a funny guy.

The idea of being able to "put things of until tomorrow" was ever a favourite of mine. Waiting until the last nanosecond to finish a school report, printing the last draft of a presentation for work, hitting that alarm just one more time. Delaying the inevitable. The passive aggressive attempt to tell the world to get off my back. It never works.

Now I've come to a point in my life where things will really start to ramp up. I begin my "career years". Gone are the "career preparation years", yet to come are the "career slide to retirement" years. Here are the years that I work my hardest, attempt to live a life and maybe afford some form of family.

If there's a woman involved that is. Single male wants children - not going to happen buddy. Unless you have a bank account like George Lucas (adopted 2 children after he got divorced). Not that I'm saying I want children right now, by myself. But these options are not open to me because I am a single male.

I like to think of myself as one who stands up for the rights of humans (and in most cases animals). I like to see everyone on a level playing field, where we each get the opportunities that will help our own skill sets flourish. Black, white, male, female - heck even tattooed snake-men. But I do have to have a giggle to myself when people start jumping up and down about "equal rights" when they really mean "I want to push someone else down, so I can be better than them".

As I said, I've been thinking about my future recently - and I can't see it getting any easier. In fact, I can see it getting much, much harder. To the point of wondering "Is it really worth it?" - after seeing my boss given 2 weeks medical leave for "work and life relate stress, and high blood pressure" I really am thinking am I on the right track?


Bring back summer - winters are way too depressing and make me think way too much. Short skirts and translucent tops are much better for distracting me!